Chapter 1
Remus wasn’t quite sure when it happened, but it happened. After he pieced things together, he figured out that it started fairly early, and had been going on for quite sometime. Whatever the case was, it had happened: He had fallen in love with Sirius Black.
At first, Remus couldn’t figure out why he had fallen in love with him. And then he had taken a good look at his friend lounging on a couch finishing a Transfiguration essay after that thought had gone through his head.
Sirius Black was, possibly, the best-looking guy in Hogwarts, and Remus was hard-pressed to think of a girl (that wasn’t in Slytherin, of course) that wouldn’t agree with him. He was sexy, and just flat gorgeous. He had a tall, lean, well-muscled frame and longish black hair that occasionally fell into his beautiful grey eyes. Everything about him was gorgeous, and he knew that every girl outside of Slytherin House agreed with him. He also had a smile that could melt stone, and that he knew had melted more than a few girls’ hearts.
Besides his astounding good looks, Sirius was arguably one of the most brilliant people in Hogwarts. James and Lily only rivaled him for the top spot in all their classes. Also, it was Sirius who figured out that he himself was a werewolf, and it was Sirius’ idea for him, James and Peter to become illegal Animagi, and it was also Sirius’ idea to make the Marauders Map. Sirius was also extremely charming, and could basically talk his way out of almost every situation.
Although there were things that Remus disagreed with Sirius on, he soon figured out that those reasons were also what made him love him so much. Sirius loved risk, and danger, and Remus knew (and he knew he would admit it) that he was the most dangerous of the Marauders. Even James drew a line somewhere. Sirius… He would push that line until it broke. That was the reason he and James spent so much time in detention. He or James would come up with some risky, dangerous plan that probably would get them caught, and neither boy would be able to resist the temptation of being caught. Sometimes, Sirius would push James into something that James thought was a little too risky… Or James would put his foot down, and Sirius would do it alone. Remus would worry for him, and Sirius always came back, thingyy as hell that he had pulled it off, and not really caring that he had been caught.
Remus began to hate himself for falling in love with the delectable, sexy, gorgeous young man. Sometimes he would cry at night, after just thinking about Sirius, just wishing that all his feelings would just go away….
Well, they didn’t. If anything, they grew every time he was around Sirius. Remus just couldn’t help but love him.
Eventually, Remus had to come to the realization that Sirius would never, could never love him. Remus had figured out that that he was homosexual soon after he had figured out that he had more than friendly feelings for his fellow Marauder. Sirius, Remus was sure, was as straight as a pole. After all, he had almost every girl in Hogwarts after him, and he wasted no time giving almost every girl what they wanted. What else could he be but straight?
Sirius and Remus had met on Platform 9 ¾ at Kings’ Cross Station in London on their way to their first year at Hogwarts. Their eyes had lingered on each other’s the first time they laid eyes on each other. Remus always assumed that it was because it was right after the full moon and Remus looked weak, exhausted, and cut up.
Remus had been having trouble getting his trunk in the rack. The recent full moon had zapped a lot of his strength. Sirius had come up and just helped him, seeing him having some trouble.
“Let me help you with that.” Sirius had said.
Remus quickly muttered a thanks, and gratefully accepted the help of the stranger who had helped him. After that, when they looked at each other, was when their eyes met for the first time. Hazel-amber lingered on grey for a while, before each boy realized what they were doing and looked away. James had come in soon after, looking for somewhere to sit, and that had broken the reverie between the two. Later, Peter had come in.
The four quickly became fast friends, and all were sorted into Gryffindor when they arrived at Hogwarts, which was a joy to the newly formed group. They would spend their time pranking and then rushing to get their homework done, something Remus usually made them do.
After a while, Sirius had thought up of a name for them: The Marauders. He had to explain to them what the word meant, and Remus didn’t even bother asking how he had known it.
There were things that told them that the way they felt about each other was more than just the feelings shared between friends. However, both of them refused to see it. Remus simply thought that Sirius was… just messing around. It hurt him really bad, but he refused to let it show around his friends. Sirius… well, he thought the was going out of his mind. He simply didn’t understand what was wrong with him. Usually, nothing…. serious, you could say, ever happened, besides Sirius flirting with Remus a little. However…<br>One time, close to the end of their 5th year, their potions professor, Professor Morano, and paired them up. In order to preserve peace, she had paired Lily up with Snape (so there would hopefully be no unnecessary yelling, and there was an odd number of both Gryffindors and Slytherins). James was paired up with a girl who had a hopeless crush on Sirius, Peter up with another girl who would probably be distracted by Sirius as well, and – simply because they were the only two students left – she paired Sirius up with Remus. They were, of course, delighted to be paired up with one of their friends.
The assignment was that they were to research a potion that they would be doing the next class. The potion in question was a potion with severe side effects, and she wanted all of her students to be adequately prepared, and know the risks that they were getting into. So, they would write a paper – together – on the potion, and then turn it in the next class, and then brew the potion. Remus, of course, insisted on getting it done at once, and so did James and Peter’s partners. So, they all went to the library, and split up. A lot of the tables were taken, so Sirius and Remus grabbed the resources that they would need and then went back into a more secluded part of the library where they could study. There were no tables back here, so they were sitting on the floor doing the research, when Sirius spoke up, “Remus?”<br>Remus looked up to see his friend, whom he happened to be in love with at the time, staring at him. “Yes?” He asked.
Sirius then, just out of the blue, kissed Remus Lupin.
Remus could feel the experience in the kiss and despite how much he just wanted Sirius to take him in his arms and kiss him forever, he knew that this was way too good to be true. So, he ignored the electricity he had felt when he had felt Sirius’ lips against his (to the best of his ability), and broke the kiss, and looked at Sirius in shock. “What are you doing?” Remus cried.
“Kissing you,” Sirius said simply, although he looked a little confused.
“Why?”
“Because I felt like it.” And it was the truth. Sirius, although he wasn’t quite sure why, had just looked at his friend, and got this strange feeling. He wanted to kiss him… He wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him… to feel Remus’ lips against his own. So, being the kind of guy to act on impulse, he had just done it. He had felt a strange… almost electrifying feeling when he had kissed Remus. He couldn’t explain it…
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I don’t appreciate it, Sirius Black, so let’s just stop now, alright?” Remus said heatedly.
Sirius, though he wanted to argue and tell him that it was truth, and beg Remus to let him kiss him again, he just said, “Alright,” with the same confused look on his face.
After they were finished, Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus began their walk back up to the dormitory. James noticed something off about Remus. Remus was still in shock about Sirius kissing him, and was more than slightly upset about it. He was sure that Sirius had no feelings for him, and was just messing with him, which he didn’t appreciate it, no matter what reason he was doing it for.
“Remus?” James asked. “Are you alright?”<br>“Yeah.” Remus said, the tone in his voice that said that he was not all right, but he wasn’t going to say anything. So James let it go, and turned his attention to Sirius, who also looked… off…<br>“Sirius?” James asked. “Are you… okay?”<br>Sirius nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine,” he said, but he carried the same tone as Remus, which meant that he was most certainly not alright, but he refused to say anything. James also let it drop, and just turned his head forward, and they continued walking back to the dormitory.
Neither Remus nor Sirius was willing to tell James (and Peter) that they had kissed. Or, more correctly, that Sirius had kissed Remus. (Although Remus didn’t exactly push him off right away…) When they got back to their dormitory, and went to bed, both Sirius and Remus had closed the curtains on their beds, thinking about what had happened (and why it had happened) as they fell asleep. As Remus thought about it, he couldn’t help but let a some tears stray down his cheeks. He had really enjoyed Sirius kissing him, and that made it hurt that much more because he loved him… Remus kept telling him that it wasn’t fair. Sirius, on the other hand, was generally confused, and just didn’t understand why he had kissed him…